The Magic Bassoon
by ParaKeet007
Summary: This is my version of Jack and the Beanstalk with my favorite instrument, the bassoon! I wrote this for my friend's birthday, and she'd love to see reviews! Please R&R :-)


The Magic Bassoon By ParaKeet007  
  
Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own anything! Not the plot, not the instruments, not even the characters, seeing as how they're based on my friends.  
  
(A/n: Yes, this is a spin on "Jack and the Beanstalk" I know, I know. I'm just running out of ideas and this was the result of my brainstorming and it's for my friend's birthday. Enjoy!)  
  
Once, there was a High school junior named Sara. Sara wanted a bassoon more than anything else in the whole world. One day, her mother asked her to take the family cow to the market to sell it. Although it pained Sara to sell the cow, she took it anyway.  
  
Before she got to the market, she saw a man sitting on the side of the road.  
  
"That's a nice cow. Are you selling it?"  
  
"Thanks, and yes, it's for sale."  
  
"I don't have any money," The man said, "But I'll give you these magic seeds. If you plant them, the thing you most desire will grow in it's spot."  
  
"Wow! Ok, deal! Here's the cow, so hand over the beans!" Sara's Mom wasn't as happy about the beans as Sara was.  
  
"They won't work! You got ripped! How could you sell our only cow for Mexican jumping beans!"  
  
"Mom! They aren't jumping beans, they're MAGIC beans! They'll grow whatever it is we want!"  
  
"Yeah? How about they grow you a new brain!" Then she threw the beans out the window. "Go to bed! I don't even want to see your face!"  
  
Sara was disappointed. Now how would she get that bassoon she always wanted? After a while, Sara finally fell asleep. Then her mother went to bed.  
  
The next morning, Sara was surprised at how dark it was in her room.  
  
"Maybe the shade is down," She thought. But it wasn't! There was something blocking her window. "Oh! It's a giant bassoon! Mom, wake up!"  
  
"What now? Did you buy some magic bagels, too? Ahhhh!!!"  
  
"Mom, it's just a bassoon. It's exactly what I always wanted! Yeah! Oh, look! There's something up at the top. Can I climb up?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Sure. I'm going to call Ripley's." So Sara began to climb the giant bassoon. She didn't have any trouble until she reached the G key.  
  
"Ew! It's wet! This bassoon needs a new pad. I'll just climb around it."  
  
(A/N: Sometimes, bassoons leak spit through the keys. Any bassoonist knows this, but I figured I'd explain to those who don't have that happy privilege! Just kidding:-)  
  
So she continued to climb the giant bassoon. After about an hour, she reached the top to discover a HUGE band room with HUGE instruments everywhere!  
  
"Wow! This must be a HUGE band!" Sara said. Then, a HUGE person walked in.  
  
"Who are you?!" The giant said.  
  
"I'm Sara and I climbed up the giant bassoon. Who are you?"  
  
"I'm Byron, the assistant band director. You'd better leave before the band director, Mr. Weaver, gets here. He's not very fond of bassoons. He likes trombones. Here, I'll help you out."  
  
"BYRON!"  
  
"Uh oh! Go ahead, and hurry. Good luck! Bye!" Then Byron left to help Mr. Weaver.  
  
"Wow! A clarinet! It's so nice."  
  
"Hi! I'm Merissa, the singing clarinet! What would you like me to sing?"  
  
"Nifty! You're coming with me! My mom won't believe this."  
  
"I don't know that one, but how about 'Eleanor Rigby' by the Beatles?"  
  
"Ok! I love the Beatles!"  
  
"Eleanor Rigby, picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been."  
  
"Yeah, let's go!" So they climbed down the giant bassoon together. When they reached the bottom, Mrs. Weida was waiting, sitting in a lawn chair with an iced tea. "Mom! Look, a singing clarinet!"  
  
"Nice, how much do you think it'll go for on E-Bay?"  
  
"Mom! How could you?! It's so lovely!"  
  
"Yeah, sure. I'm waiting for the people from Guinness. Ripley's won't come, they didn't believe me. The nerve!"  
  
"Well, when I got up there, there was a HUGE band room and this giant, Byron, told me to leave because the band director, Mr. Weaver, didn't like bassoons, so I grabbed the singing clarinet and left."  
  
"Was there anything else valuable?"  
  
"I don't know, just instruments and stuff."  
  
"Go up there and steal something else."  
  
"But, Mom! It's not safe!"  
  
"Safe, schmafe. You're going because we're still broke."  
  
So Sara left to climb the gigantic bassoon again. It was much easier this time. When she reached the top, she found her way into the giant band room.  
  
"What? A duck? What's a duck doing in the band room?"  
  
"Hi! I'm a little lost duck! Can you help me find my mommy? I think she's on chart 1."  
  
"Oh! You can talk! What's your name?"  
  
"I'm Emily. Have you seen my mommy?" (A/N: Me again! There's a real funny story behind this, that's based on certain embarrassing events at band camp! E-mail me for the whole story.)  
  
"No, I'm sorry, but I haven't. But, you can come with me and meet my mommy."  
  
"Ok!" So Sara left with Emily the Lost Duck. When she reached the bottom, her mom wasn't very happy.  
  
"A duck? I ask you to come back with some thing valuable and all you get is a worthless duck?"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"It talks! Hm. maybe this duck can be useful after all! You go back up the beanstalk and I'll call the Letterman show! They might let us on! Or if they won't, I'll try Oprah! You just go!"  
  
"But Mom,"  
  
"No 'buts'! Shoo!" So Sara climbed up the beanstalk once again and, once again, crept into the band room where she saw Byron again.  
  
"I thought I told you not to come back! Mr. Weaver's in a really bad mood, the percussionists just broke another $100 tambourine. I'd leave before."  
  
"Byron! Where are you?"  
  
"Uh-oh!"  
  
"Fe, fi, fo, fum, I smell the blood of a. BASSOONIST! Who dare bring a bassoon into this band room? What? Who are you?"  
  
"Um. I'm Sara and I climbed up a giant bassoon into this band room."  
  
"I'LL GRIND YOUR BASSOON TO MAKE MY. Byron! What can you make with a ground up bassoon?"  
  
"Um. bassoon coffee?"  
  
"Yeah! I'll grind your bassoon to make my coffee! Byron, patent that! And see if Starbucks would sell it. I call it, Bassoon Coffee! Anyway, hey! Where did that little bassoonist go?" While Mr. Weaver and Byron were discussing bassoon coffee, Sara was edging her way to the door. Now, she was running for her life! "Get back here!"  
  
"No!" And Sara made it to the bassoon and started climbing down. Mr. Weaver wasn't very far behind her.  
  
Sara's mom saw the whole thing from her chair and didn't know what to think, so she did what any sensible person would do in an emergency, she went and got a flamethrower.  
  
"Jump!" She called to Sara, so she did. Then, Sara's mom torched the base of the giant bassoon. "Ha! Take that, you trombonist!"  
  
"AHHHHHH!" Mr. Weaver yelled and fell into a cornfield. Then the police showed up.  
  
"Hi, I'm Officer Daniel. What happened here?"  
  
"That giant tried to grind my bassoon to make his coffee!"  
  
"Ok, you're under arrest for bassoon endangerment. You have the right to remain silent. Any thing you say."  
  
"But they stole stuff from my band room!"  
  
"Is this true?"  
  
"Yes, I'm sorry."  
  
"Ok.(turning to Mr. Weaver) can and will be held against you in a court of law."  
  
"Yeah! We get to keep the stuff! Too bad the bassoon is ruined though; there was only 1 hour of bidding time on E-Bay. Oh well! Maybe the Times will want a story! I'll go make a few calls."  
  
"Oh mom!"  
  
The End!  
  
Epilogue:  
  
Mr. Weaver is in jail for attempted bassoon endangerment, Sarah's mom got the Times to do a story on the giant bassoon, and Sara married Daniel the Police Officer and every one lived. HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!  
  
(A/n: So, what did you think? I know, it's a bit cheesy, but I just wanted to write something for my friend on her birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA! So, that's all for now. Please review and let me know what your thoughts are. Thanks! () 


End file.
